I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
