You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
