i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
