Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
