I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
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We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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