dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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