Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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