i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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