JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize