I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
