I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
smell my finger.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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