Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
