my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
