it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize