he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
