the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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