Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
