feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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