she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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