She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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