When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
