I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
