ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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