first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I want to make a zoo with you.
she looked like the before picture.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
FUCK WHALES
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
