I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
