so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
