JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
