would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
