threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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