Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
