he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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