We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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