talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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