Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
