it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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