The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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