Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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