i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
