So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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