I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize