well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
