she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
