he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
