Buhtt sex?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
