she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
