i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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