You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
