Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
