went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
