Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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