Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
