Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
