Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
