Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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