Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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