i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
