He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
