Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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