He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
