Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize