I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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