im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize