There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is the high leading the old right now
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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