He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i dont even know how to be here
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
