Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs