i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.