Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
