I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
