Already got asked if we're dating
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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