Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
