hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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