did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
