the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
